A Hard Day at the Orphanage

Today was not a good day at the orphanage.  We arrived at 2pm as requested.  Things seemed considerably less hectic than yesterday, but still busy.  We were told the girls were just finishing up with lunch.  In the meantime, we asked if we could see the orphanage doctor either before or after we saw the girls, and the child psychologist, as we had been told we would be meeting with them today, too.  Katya translated and they said okay.

We were escorted to the meeting room.  As we sat down to wait, Blake said to me, "Now watch, they will bring the girls in and then bring the doctor in here at the same time."  Within a few minutes, the girls walked in.  There was a drastic change in their demeanor compared to our earlier visits.  Victoria managed a small smile and, of course, a hug (she loves to hug!), but Karina was as stone-faced as a totem pole.  We asked how they were, how their day was going, etc.  No joy in Mudville.  So we brought out the big coloring books with the pictures they had started yesterday but hadn't finished.  They wanted to finish those. 

Of course, just as Blake had predicted, in walked the orphanage doctor.  She sat down at the table, pulled out the girls' files and just started rattling off the information, right there in front of all of us.  I was not happy.  I asked Katya to please stop her, to ask if we could do this without the girls present.  The doctor replied that the girls know this information, so what is the problem?  I implored again.  Again the doctor's response, as she continued with her litany, "the girls know this about themselves, what is the problem?".  What is the problem?  The problem is that you are treating these girls as if they are cattle at an auction.  That is the problem.  That is a big problem in my opinion.  I was livid.  Of course, I couldn't really show it, though. 

Immediately following that lovely scene, the child psychologist came in.  Fabulous.  She sat down in the chair the doctor had vacated.  She started saying something and I just said, strongly, "NO!".  Of course, everyone knows what that means.  I told Katya that we did not want to have the same situation repeated and could we please meet with her another time?  The psychologist then said that she would only be able to give us information about the girls if both the girls and we confirm our commitment to one another.  By the way, does anyone here notice the 11- and 8-year old girls sitting five feet away?  The ones who you are so offhandedly discussing, in their native language, as if they're not here?  I felt sick to my stomach. 

The meeting had started poorly from the get-go, but these added intrusions left me feeling like a passenger on the Titanic.  As I was coloring my page next to Victoria, I honestly got the same sunken feeling that I remember getting when a date started going horribly wrong.  The kind of date where you'd had a great couple of early meetings and you're so excited that maybe, just maybe, this could be it.  But then, for some reason, the next time you see the guy, he doesn't seem interested and no matter how much you smile, you realize that something is lost.  What had happened?  It's awkward and you don't know what to do to fix it.  That's how I felt.  And once we were back in the hotel room after today's visit, Blake told me that is exactly how he felt, too.  We were both single long enough to remember those situations a lot more clearly than we'd wish.

Back in the meeting room, Blake and I decided, since we could talk freely in front of the girls, that we would ask Katya to ask Karina and Victoria if they wanted us to come tomorrow.  We certainly do not want to push ourselves on them or for them to meet with us if they'd rather not.  They both said they'd like us to come.  We made Katya ask a few times, just to be sure and to make it clear that it was okay if they did not want us to come.  But, they said they wanted us to come.  So we are going tomorrow with hard-boiled eggs and an egg decorating kit I had picked up at Target for about $2.  Gotta love Target.

When we were all getting up to leave the meeting room, it was the first time that Karina had a smile.  She started smiling as we were walking out.  Smiling and looking at us again.  We got hugs from the girls.  Victoria gives great hugs!  She also hugged the psychologist, who had stayed in the room.  She just loves to hug, we've discovered.  So, we really can't read anything into the fact that she likes to hug us.  Karina gave us hugs, too, but not quite the same as Victoria.  We told them we'd see them again tomorrow. 

As we were walking out of the orphanage, we looked back and noticed that Victoria was still standing in the hallway watching us go.  So we waved. 

We truly have absolutely no idea what to think.  We had planned to officially offer to adopt the girls tomorrow, but it is pretty apparent that they aren't ready for that.  Because of the marked change in their behavior toward us, we honestly don't know if they will ever be ready for it. 

We do think that we will at least "come clean" and be open with them about why we are there.  Let's face it, with what went on with the orphanage doctor and psychologist today, they know why we are there.  Blake and I have felt for a few days now that Karina knows exactly why we are there.  We are going to be very open about it so if they have no interest in us adopting them whatsoever, at least we will know and we can all move on.  Or perhaps they are curious and would want to ask us questions that they didn't think they could ask us previously.  Either way, we won't press for any kind of decision immediately.  We simply think it's past the point of trying to pass ourselves off as just "friends".

Another emotional day in Donetsk.  At least it's sunny.  I guess you can't always say the same about our adoption outlook, but we remain hopeful and faithful.  Sometimes, I suppose that's the best we can do.

xo